Commando + Ransom = Taken

I wasn't that impressed by the trailers for Taken. The idea of Qui-Gon Jinn going on a rampage Charles Bronson style on the men who kidnapped his daughter seemed pretty weak. I wondered how well Qui-Gon would be able to convey the proper emotional response when speaking with the kidnappers. However, given the choice between renting Taken and the latest Underworld abomination, I was happy to give way to my curiosity and find out if Qui-Gon was up to the challenge.

Like John Matrix before him, Qui-Gon is a retired special agent/army type who just wants to live a quiet life and be a good dad. How will Qui-Gon react when his daughter wants to go to Paris with her best friend for the summer? Not too well. Despite his reservations, his ex-wife (another thankless role for Famke Janssen) guilts him into agreeing to the scheme and away they go.

It doesn't take long for the girls to get into trouble. Like all good best friend characters in these kinds of movies, best friend has "loose morals" and announces that she's going to have sex with that guy from the airport who offered to share a cab. With the countdown to best friend's demise under way, a group of kidnappers arrive to abduct the girls. Now daddy's got just 96 hours to track down the bastards who kidnapped his daughter and get some revenge.

With the setup out of the way we get to the action. The good: innocent people get used as human shields, large body count, well choreographed (for the most part) fight scenes (think Jason Bourne style). The bad: the car chases are terrible. During one chase scene at some sort of factory/mining operation it is at times difficult to tell who exactly is chasing who.

The movie ends predictably enough, and I can't say I really have any complaints except that 1) the stupid ex-wife doesn't get any sort of comeuppance and 2) there is a lame subplot involving a Britney Spears type character whose life Qui-Gon saves near the beginning of the movie while on assignment. Said subplot is revisited at the tail end of the movie for no good reason. Maybe that was just in the extended cut?

Pain score: 1 of 10.

Special note on the snacks this week. I was recently in the states for a shopping trip and brought back a four pack of bottled A&W Rootbeer Floats. This is the kind of product I love. It's only available in the United States because a product like this could only exist in a place like the United States.

Think about this. This is a drink that contains (amongst a number of chemical ingredients) milk. That's right, milk. But unlike a carton of milk, you won't find this float in the dairy aisle. It's on the shelf, unrefrigerated. Disturbing.

If there is any doubt in your mind, the drink is foul. Possibly the worst snacktime beverage we have ever had.